Here's some I'm fond of:
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.
Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
(I'm in a hotel in Galveston, Texas. What else am I to do but surf the internet and re-post things on MY blog???).